CASINO JOKE OF THE DAY

[cocopop3011]

During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks". The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?" "Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender?

 

"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it. "Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye," said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet". So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. "Aw, you screwed me again". "That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the $50", said the man.

 

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop".

 

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on". The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

 

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 that I could pee all over you AND the bar and still make you laugh!"

[Afi4wins]

Eeeeeew...a stinking joke...but a joke no less! 

[cocopop3011]

Running out of jokes now!!

 

"I want you to help me stop my son gambling," an anxious father said to his boy's principal. "I don't know where he gets it from but it's bet, bet, bet."

 

"Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy's father. "I think I've cured him," he said.

 

"How?"

 

"Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said, 'I bet that's a false beard.'

 

'How much?' I said, and he said "$5 "

 

"What happened?" asked the father.

 

"Well, he tugged my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson."

 

"No, it won't," said the father. "He bet me $10 this morning that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!"

[Afi4wins]

The jokes are on similar lines, don't you agree Sharon? Must have originated from the same person! Hehehehe.

[cocopop3011]

The jokes are on similar lines, don't you agree Sharon? Must have originated from the same person! Hehehehe.

Yes the last few have been very similiar...but I am running out..I will have to find a new website!

[Afi4wins]

Yes the last few have been very similiar...but I am running out..I will have to find a new website!

 

Please do! It's great to get a good laugh every day! 

[cocopop3011]

Ok so I, currently in search of some new Casino Jokes, for now ill post just a random Joke of the day so you can all get your daily dosage of smiles! As soon as I've sourced some new casino jokes....I'll post them!

 

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."

The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins -- and they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the guy over and demands, "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"

The guy replies, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach!"

[cocopop3011]

One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie.

"I want one billion dollars," replies the man.

"Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you get."

"I know," replied the man.

The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content.

"Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?" asks the genie.

The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to death."

[Afi4wins]

Eeeeeeeww!!! Hahahaha

[cocopop3011]

Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.

The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

 

Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

[Awena]

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."

— Gloria Steinem

[ValDes]

"Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage."

— Gloria Steinem

 

Hahahahahahah!  I know it is all true down to the last word, but just cannot resist laughing out loud! 

[cocopop3011]

Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in Majorca. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne. "What on earth for?" asked his wife.

"I've left the tickets on it!"

[cocopop3011]

Once upon a time, there was a cat that died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- she had to sleep in cold black alleys, where there was no food and life was hard. God told her that he was sorry it had had turned out that way -- but here, in heaven, she would be happy and He would give her the most comfortable, warm pillow to sleep on. The cat lay down upon the pillow and was happy. A few days later, about a dozen mice that came to heaven together and God asked them how they had liked earth. The earth was no better for them than it was the cat. They explained to God that it was tough and exhausting and their feet were worn out from always running from cats and dogs and people. God felt bad for the mice and decided to give them roller-skates. One day God sees the cat again and asked her how she liked heaven. She explained that it was absolutely wonderful. The pillow he gave her was the most comfortable place that she had ever slept on, but even better than the pillow was the meals on wheels.

[cocopop3011]

Q: Who is the perfect husband?

 

A: One who keeps his mouth shut and his checkbook open!

[cocopop3011]

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

[cocopop3011]

One day an employee came in to work with both of his ears bandaged.

When his boss asked him what happened, he explained:

 

"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang

and I accidentally answered the iron instead of the phone!"

 

"Well," the boss said, "that explains one ear, but what

about the other?" "They called back!"

[Awena]

' After a long month of hard work, three friends decided to take their girlfriends on a week-long vacation in Las Vegas to have some fun in the casinos. The couples had a blast and the week flew by. When they arrived back home the friends got together for a drink and reminisced about the trip.

The first friend said, “I hate it! My girlfriend played craps all week and now all she does is swing her arms and yell ’7 come 11′ all night. I haven’t had a good night sleep in days!”

The second buddy  says, “I know exactly what you’re going through, my girlfriend played blackjack and now she just bangs the bed all night and shouts ‘hit me light or hit me hard’, and I can’t get any sleep either!”

The third guy, who looks both sore and tired, says, “That’s nothing compared to what I’m going through! My girlfriend played the slots and every morning I wake up with a sore stick and an  ***** full of dimes! ' 

 

[ValDes]

Hahahahahahah!

[cocopop3011]

' After a long month of hard work, three friends decided to take their girlfriends on a week-long vacation in Las Vegas to have some fun in the casinos. The couples had a blast and the week flew by. When they arrived back home the friends got together for a drink and reminisced about the trip.

 

The first friend said, “I hate it! My girlfriend played craps all week and now all she does is swing her arms and yell ’7 come 11′ all night. I haven’t had a good night sleep in days!”

The second buddy  says, “I know exactly what you’re going through, my girlfriend played blackjack and now she just bangs the bed all night and shouts ‘hit me light or hit me hard’, and I can’t get any sleep either!”

The third guy, who looks both sore and tired, says, “That’s nothing compared to what I’m going through! My girlfriend played the slots and every morning I wake up with a sore stick and an  ***** full of dimes! ' 

 

I wanted to post this joke...but a slightly ruder version ...well done awena

[cocopop3011]

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.

the man said:” I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime"

The genie frowned" I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking,” he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"

The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".

The genie was silent for a minute, then said "So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

[cocopop3011]

Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?

A: A dream.

 

(Sorry male members I couldn't help this one)

[Awena]

I wanted to post this joke...but a slightly ruder version ...well done awena

Thank you Sharon 

[Awena]

Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?

A: A dream.

 

(Sorry male members I couldn't help this one)

hahahhahahh,,,extra.

[Awena]

"  Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in LasVegas?

A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers."