CASINO JOKE OF THE DAY

[Afi4wins]

E e e e e e w w w . . .     

 

(nowadays, passenger planes to Las Vegas don't use propellers any more...so they have to climb up into the turbines instead!   )

[Afi4wins]

Q: What does every woman call an intelligent, attractive, caring, loving and sensitive man?

A: A dream.

 

(Sorry male members I couldn't help this one)

 

A dream???  Oooh boy...so women are practically chasing after dreams!!! 

 

In contrast, what does every man call a very sssexy, gorgeous, drop-dead beautiful, carefree and passionate woman??? 

 

...a  N I G H T M A R E !!! 

If you don't believe me, ask any man who married one!!! 

[Awena]

                                                   

 

Afi, http://www.askgamblers.com/forum/topic/3687-lets-have-some-chit-chat/page-3  this guy can take me in Vegas, that plane is so cool !

[Afi4wins]

Oh boooy! That's one dumb hot gal and one over-ssexcited machine!!! LOL.

[Awena]

                       

I just cant stop laughing ,hihihi

[ValDes]

Wow, didn't know that someone has posted a picture of me and my friends from our last binge?!

[cocopop3011]

 

Afi, http://www.askgamblers.com/forum/topic/3687-lets-have-some-chit-chat/page-3  this guy can take me in Vegas, that plane is so cool !

I don't get this one?

[cocopop3011]

A man who was born with no arms wished to seek employment. Fearing nobody would want to hire him with his obvious disability, he thought he'd answer a help wanted sign he saw posted at his church. He rang the bell at the rectory and when the pastor opened the door he was moved with pity. He asked, "What can I do for you, my son?" The man said I've come to answer your help wanted ad. The pastor became concerned and said that ad is for a bell ringer. He stammered that he didn't think he'd be able to handle the job. The man pleaded and said won't you give me a chance so I can show you what I'm capable of? The pastor relented and hired him. The time came when the church bell had to be rung. The man made his way under the bell, took a running start and threw his body against the bell which resulted in a booming "BONNGGGG" as soon as the vibrations subsided, he took another running start and threw his body into the other side of the bell with the expected result of "BONNNGG" . . . and so it went. Now our armless friend was at the job for several months to the delight of the pastor. One day the guy was running late and in his haste he ran up to the belfry and got his running leap at the bell without first getting under the bell. As he ran right off the side of the tower he screamed. Everyone from within the church filed out and just stared. Finally somebody said "poor fellow, does anybody knows who he is?" To which came the answer from someone in the back . . . "I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell."

[Awena]

                                                  

[Afi4wins]

I don't get this one?

 

Still don't get the meaning of that joke Sharon?  Oh geeees...

 

The dumb gal is playing the slot machine by just pressing and pressing the buttons (without putting any coins into it)...and the reels don't spin or course! On the other hand, the slot machine is getting overly sssexited by her pressing of its buttons! Heeey...keep pressing my buttons and see what happens!!!

[Luciana]

I didn't get that blondie joke that way!

 

Here's my interpretation: She keeps pushing the button, but the machine doesn't react, because she won a jackpot.. there's a drawer down, full of coins won (a jackpot) and the girl is too dumb to realise that..

[Afi4wins]

I didn't get that blondie joke that way!

 

Here's my interpretation: She keeps pushing the button, but the machine doesn't react, because she won a jackpot.. there's a drawer down, full of coins won (a jackpot) and the girl is too dumb to realise that..

 

Nope! Do you see that Blondie holding a coin cup like the person approaching her? No right? That's because she didn't put any coin into the machine, but keep on pressing the buttons. No coin...no spins...so no reaction! Without the Blondie realising it, her pressings on the button had gotten the machine so sssexcited, started trembling all over uncontrollably, spun up 3 spades on a winning line and paid out a jackpot! The Blondie was too busy complaining to realise...hahahaha.

[Irine]

Oh my god I don't get it!

Hahahahah, it's funny when you get it. 

[Irine]

I do and it's great one hahah!!

 

Pay attention to the casino's name - Literalis Casino! So, everything is literally there! If you get all 3 pairs of cherries, your winnings are of course cherries - literally

Yes, that's right dear Luciana. 

[Luciana]

Nope! Do you see that Blondie holding a coin cup like the person approaching her? No right? That's because she didn't put any coin into the machine, but keep on pressing the buttons. No coin...no spins...so no reaction! Without the Blondie realising it, her pressings on the button had gotten the machine so sssexcited, started trembling all over uncontrollably, spun up 3 spades on a winning line and paid out a jackpot! The Blondie was too busy complaining to realise...hahahaha.

 

But we're talking the same, except the beginning! Why "Nope"? I said ALMOST the same thing

[Afi4wins]

Okay, Jelena dear...we were indeed basically talking the same thing...only the way we interpreted it differs slightly. So...'Nope!' gets crossed out! 

[cocopop3011]

Earl and Bob, both obsessed with baseball, never missed their favorite team’s game. They promised, whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is baseball in heaven." Bob said, "That’s the best news!" Then Earl said, time for the bad news....”You're pitching tomorrow night."

[Afi4wins]

OMG!!!    

[cocopop3011]

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.

“Because I p i s s e d in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.

“You did WHAT?! ?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

[cocopop3011]

Q. Why can’t a blonde dial 911?

A. She can't find the eleven

[Afi4wins]

Good Lord!!! 

[ValDes]

Good Lord!!! 

 

What does the Good Lord has to do with blondes, mate?! Never mind, just a rhetorical questions.  

[Afi4wins]

What does the Good Lord has to do with blondes, mate?! Never mind, just a rhetorical questions.

 

Well, I read somewhere years ago...that the Good Lord did a super marvelous job on the blackhaireds, the brunettes and the redhaireds, but apparently did not complete his task on the blondes!!! Hahahaha. 

 

Just a joke ladies...especially blondies. You know that's not true!  The Good Lord ALWAYS finishes his tasks!   

[Luciana]

Speaking of blondes

 

[cocopop3011]

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on me cause I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn’t feel a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!