Haha thread

[zaina]

A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky.

 

The Englishman was glad to have a drink.

"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."

 

The Englishman drank gratefully.

 

"But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.

"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

[peterjohns]

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

 

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

 

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

 

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

 

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

 

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

 

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

 

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[zaina]

[peterjohns]

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.

 

As smart as bait.

 

Chimney's clogged.

 

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.

 

Doesn't know much, bot leads the league in nostril hair.

 

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.

 

Forgot to pay his brain bill.

 

Her sewing machine's out of thread.

 

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

 

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

 

If he had another brain, it would be lonely.

 

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

 

No grain in the silo.

 

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

 

Receiver is off the hook.

 

He has less going on upstairs than a one story house.

 

Several nuts short of a full pouch.

 

Skylight leaks a little.

 

Slinky's kinked.

 

Surfing in Nebraska.

 

Too much yardage between the goal posts.

 

A few clowns short of a circus.

 

A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

 

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

 

A few beers short of a six-pack.

 

Dumber than a box of hair.

 

A few peas short of a casserole.

 

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box.

 

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

 

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

 

One taco short of a combination plate.

 

A few feathers short of a whole duck.

 

All foam, no beer.

 

The cheese slid off his cracker.

 

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

 

Couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

 

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

 

Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

 

The lights are on, but nobody's home.

 

24 cents short of a quarter.

 

A few bricks shy of a full load.

[peterjohns]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

 

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

[aanyawllms]

 

HAHAHAH

 

to funny

 

lol

[zaina]

[peterjohns]

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

 

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."

 

A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150 .

[Luciana]

Hahaha this is so true about the money

[peterjohns]

A FIRST GRADE TEACHER collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you shall make your bed so shall you..........mess it up.

 

 

 

Better be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.

 

 

 

Strike while the ..............................bug is close.

 

 

 

It's always darkest before............daylight savings time.

 

 

 

You can lead a horse to water but.......................how?

 

 

 

Don't bite the hand that........................looks dirty.

 

 

 

A miss is as good as a...................................Mr.

 

 

 

You can't teach an old dog new.........................math.

 

 

 

If you lie down with the dogs, you'll..stink in the morning.

 

 

 

The pen is mightier than the...........................pigs.

 

 

 

An idle mind is.......................the best way to relax.

 

 

 

Where there's smoke, there's......................pollution.

 

 

 

Happy the bride who...................gets all the presents.

 

 

 

A penny saved is...................................not much.

 

 

 

Two's company, three's.......................the musketeers.

 

 

 

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,

 

 

 

cry and..........................you have to blow your nose.

 

 

 

Children should be seen and not.........spanked or grounded.

 

 

 

When the blind leadeth the blind.........get out of the way.

[aanyawllms]

really funny

[aanyawllms]

 

this is a funny to describe it

[aanyawllms]

Hahaha this is so true about the money

 

yes its really true

[Luciana]

Do you know what are they thinking?

[Luciana]

LOL!!

 

 

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2acvsGbiO1r4u9wdo1_400.gif

[Luciana]

Hahahaha, why going to gym for months, when you can have perfect six pack for a few minutes

[ruth19Mendez]

Release the kraker!! LOL

[The.Dark.Knight]

Can't resist to join this fun! Be careful guys!

 

[Luciana]

Hahahahahaha ewwwwww

[blackjackria]

Nice

[ManchesterUnited2020]

Can't believe i haven't seen this thread, so funny...

 

[Luciana]

Hahahahaha, what a flirting line! Reminds me of some other cliches, like: "Your dad must be a terrorist, cause you're da bomb"

[borisc]

Tagging members

 

[Luciana]

Hhahaha, yeah that's my signature Stopped using my real name

 

Thanks zextra

[Luciana]

Haha true