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A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. 'Where are you going?' demands the surprised husband. 'To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!' The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. 'What do you think you are doing?' she screamed. 'I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!'

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A Blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.

The player said, 'When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?'

 

The dealer asked, 'When you eat out do you tip the waiter?'

 

'Yes.' replied the player

 

'Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me.' The dealer says

 

'OK, but the waiter gives me what I ask for... I'll take an eight.' The player replies

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Did you hear the one about the woman who hit her husband on the head with a rolling pin?

Suffering from a sudden headache, her husband asked her, 'What was that all about?'

 

'I found a piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it.' She replied

 

'That's the name of a horse I got a hot tip on.' He replied

 

Accepting his explanation she apologizes for whacking him.

 

A few days later, she nails him on the head again, even harder.

 

When he regains consciousness, he asks 'Why on earth did you do that?'

 

'Your horse phoned.'

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A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things. I just won the state lottery!'

 

Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'

 

The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

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