Haha thread

[Luciana]

For nerds

[aanyawllms]

Hi, klarissa's

 

these pictures are really cute

[peterjohns]

A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

[aanyawllms]

An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

 

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

 

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."

 

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

 

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."

 

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

 

Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"

 

The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[peterjohns]

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.

The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

 

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."

 

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."

 

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

[angelina jones]

Thanks for sharing your interest. I really enjoyed myself.

[Luciana]

Just like me!

[Luciana]

[aanyawllms]

Sardar Ji to Laloo: Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.

 

Laloo rushed home angrily.

 

After half an hour, he came back and slapped the Sardarji.

 

Laloo said: You fool, he is not my friend.

[aanyawllms]

School Kid: Why are some of your hair white mom?

 

Mom: Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white.

 

Funny Kid thought for a moment, and then said, "Mamma, how come *all* of grandma’s hair are white?”

[peterjohns]

Husband: Honey, I invited a friend home for dinner.

 

Wife: What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, all the dishes are dirty, and I can't cook meal.

 

Funny Husband: I know all that.

 

Wife: Then why did you invite the friend?

 

Funny Husband: Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.

[Luciana]

Hahahahaha what a great jokes, from both of you! Just made my day!

[imtheone]

hahahaha nice to see and read this thread.. it made me forget for a while my stressfull work... LOL

[peterjohns]

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

 

Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born.

 

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

 

Student: Gandhi was four years old.

[aanyawllms]

Santa: I am so miser (kanjoos) that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

 

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.

[aanyawllms]

you got to see this its really funny

 

[aanyawllms]

Problem Holidays

 

A man visits his GP (family doctor) and says, “Every time I go on holiday, my wife gets pregnant. Went to France and she got pregnant. Went to Ireland and she got pregnant a second time. Went to Spain and she got pregnant a third time.”

 

The doctor is a bit surprised and says, “Have you thought of using some protection to avoid this?”

 

The man replies, “No, but I’ve been thinking that maybe next time I should take her with me.”

[peterjohns]

hahahahahahahahah must see it

[aanyawllms]

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the ***** table. A very

attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

 

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly

departed...

 

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

[Luciana]

Negotiations

 

[peterjohns]

[Luciana]

What a hottie

[peterjohns]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

 

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

 

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

 

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

 

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

 

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

 

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

 

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

 

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

 

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

 

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

 

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

 

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

 

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

 

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

 

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[aanyawllms]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

 

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

 

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[Luciana]

Awesome!! One day I might be a lawyer, so good to know what people can expect from me