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I am very sad this day 11th September 2014. I had a good month of August and was on fire. Money aside. It felt good to have thousands In the accounts and playing immortal and thunderstruck II and BDBA at high levels. I thought about that all day. Hitting free spins that paid well. Hitting all kinds. It felt so good. Turning 90 belated bonus into 20k. The last ten days have caught up to me now. I miss those great feelings while winning. Today was a very sad day wondering if I will ever hit numbers like this again. I can't deposit more than 250 a week anywhere. I am scared I won't be able to accomplish big wins anymore. Yes the money won makes me happy. All good there. I question whether what I am planning is actually worth it? Am I being too hard on myself? Should i have just been doing what I was doing and depositing 250 here and there every day trying to hit. Sometimes emotions even get the best of me. I hope the plans I have been boasting all over the world are the best thing for me. I hope I get to actually enjoy online gaming and see big numbers again. All day I haven't stopped thinking about what was, what will be and how it ends. I feel myself crying inside. I am so sad. This proven system stuff is there to protect me from the fire that rages in many of us. It's working. Yes I played 250 today but it was really just to test out a casino. That was nothing. Hopefully my days will get better. The sadness will eventually exit my body and life will move on. I just hope that I am doing the right thing. I always said win or lose with proven system doesn't matter because I will always win even if I lose money. I won't post anymore over here until next week. Gonna stay away from everything until Step 2 begins. For all of you who carry sadness, you're not alone. Nite