klopklop

true....
 

A Blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, 'When I get bad cards, it's not the dealers fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so why should I tip him?'
 
The dealer asked, 'When you eat out do you tip the waiter?'
 
'Yes.' replied the player
 
'Well then, he serves you food, I'm serving you cards so you should tip me.' The dealer says
 
'OK, but the waiter gives me what I ask for... I'll take an eight.' The player replies

A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. 'Where are you going?' demands the surprised husband. 'To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!' The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. 'What do you think you are doing?' she screamed. 'I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!'

true....
 

Little Old Lady Bets The Bank
A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars."
The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations.
 
This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally.
 
Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money.
 
She says, "Gambling."
 
"Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?"
 
"Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For example, I've got $100,000 right here that says that by noon tomorrow your balls will be square, and I'll even give you 4:1 odds. You got $25,000 you'd be willing to wager on that?"
 
The bank president is shocked at this sort of thing coming from a sweet little old lady, but he didn't get to be the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank without knowing something about money. "I suppose I could come up with enough to cover that sort of wager, but I wouldn't feel right taking it from you...there's no way you can win a bet like that!"
 
The little old lady just shook the bag, and said, "I know what I'm doing...and I can afford to lose, though I'm not going to. Is it a bet?"
 
"Ok, have it your way", said the president, and they shook hands on it.
 
"See you at 11:55 tomorrow morning", said the little old lady, and with that she left.
 
Next morning at 11:55 the little old lady arrives with a younger man in a three-piece suit, and is escorted to the bank president's office. The president is a nervous wreck, though a happy one. He'd gotten almost no sleep the night before, waking every few minutes to feel his balls to check for impending squareness, but nothing happened all night. He had checked hundreds of times that morning, but still nothing; perfectly normal.
 
When the little old lady arrived he started to relax, knowing he had won.
 
"Come in, please have a seat! Who might this gentleman be?" said the president.
 
"He's my lawyer. For a bet of this size I want to have a witness. Any objections?"
 
"No, perfectly understandable", said the president. "Well, it's now noon, and I'm still unchanged, so I guess I win!" he said happily.
 
"Not so fast!" said the little old lady. "For a hundred grand I want to verify things personally! Please drop your pants."
 
The bank president is a bit flustered, but agrees that in her position he'd want proof as well, so he drops his pants. The little old lady goes over to him and reaches out to feel the organs in question.
 
"Ok, you win, here's your $100,000," says the little old lady, handing over a bag of bills. As she does so, her lawyer starts banging his head against the wall and moaning.
 
"What's wrong with him?" asks the bank president.
 
"Oh, he's just upset. Poor loser if you ask me. You see, I had a bet for $1,000,000 with him that I would have the President of the Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls by noon today."

Man Wins the Lottery:
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
 
lol

Hahahahahaaa, the last one is so funny!

You got that right with the women one klop!
 
I could look at these pictures all day mate lol

Did you hear the one about the woman who hit her husband on the head with a rolling pin?
Suffering from a sudden headache, her husband asked her, 'What was that all about?'
 
'I found a piece of paper in your jacket pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it.' She replied
 
'That's the name of a horse I got a hot tip on.' He replied
 
Accepting his explanation she apologizes for whacking him.
 
A few days later, she nails him on the head again, even harder.
 
When he regains consciousness, he asks 'Why on earth did you do that?'
 
'Your horse phoned.'

haha, love this topic, lol
 

Man Wins the Lottery:
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!"
Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?"
The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
 
lol

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

haha, love this topic, lol
 

They offered me a 400% bonus with a fiver on top, so no nodeposit.
And i am a depositer at deuceclub

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Got an old one from DOA also, 0.90 cent bet, Katsjing!!!
 

Got an old one from DOA also, 0.90 cent bet, Katsjing!!!
 

Got an old one from DOA also, 0.90 cent bet, Katsjing!!!
 

Got an old one from DOA also, 0.90 cent bet, Katsjing!!!
 

a 600x bet win on Kings of Chicago.............
 

 
 
a 275x bet on Wild Turkey............
 
 

 
And a 500x bet (90 euro for a 0.18 cent bet) on Adventure Palace
 

 
Laters.....................    KLOPKLOP